This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
