it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
