i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
