and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize