You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
