I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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