Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
