I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize