we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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