I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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