I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
