the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize