Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
