Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize