I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
