how hairy? two words: wookie tits
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
