He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
