I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
