I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
