remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
