Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
