Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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