he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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