Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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