mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
