omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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