We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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