Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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