She went from zero to smokin in five shots
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
