I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
