I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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