i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
