She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize