she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
