Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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