Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
