For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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