woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
