Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize