yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
