4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
