I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
