I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize