Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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