Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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