sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
