I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
