I need help removing her.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she told me i tasted like america
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
