it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize