She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
