Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
