He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you had me at cake vodka
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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