I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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