If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
