the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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