There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
