I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
a search helicopter?!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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