Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
