is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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