You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ruined the universe
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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