I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
