I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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