I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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