Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
