I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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