My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
