Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
