he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
