one might say we're banned from that church
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
