So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
