careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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