somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
